


Can You Count My Infinite Scars?

by A_Dying_Wolf_Dying_With_Dignity



Series: Us Against It All (Plangst Week) [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Pangst, Panic Attacks, Pidge | Katie Holt Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, the author has finally moved on to hurting Pidge (took her long enough)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-29 19:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11447730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Dying_Wolf_Dying_With_Dignity/pseuds/A_Dying_Wolf_Dying_With_Dignity
Summary: Day Five of Plangst Week: Injury/SacrificeShe was the brightest mind he's ever known, that the universe will ever know, and the Galra stole her and broke her to the point that mind was in shambles with little to no chance of recovery.Pidge had been captured by the Galra in an attempt to extract information from her, but refusing to talk no matter the cost resulted in twisted methods of torture that rendered her broken beyond repair. Of course, once she's rescued, Lance is there, desperately picking up whatever pieces he can find when it's clear she can't be saved.





	Can You Count My Infinite Scars?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as soon as I had finished the Day Four prompt because I despised what I wrote for that day that much. So far, this has got to be my favorite story that I've produced, and I hope my readers can see why.

Rescuing Pidge was a success, but given how long it took for Team Voltron to get her back, they wanted to deem the mission a failure. It would be one that would remain a permanent reminder of all the times they've been even a second too late from preventing destruction. They'd just have to look at her to remember that.

Four weeks. It took them a whole month for them to track her, set up a plan, and carry it out so she'd be with them again. As much as they all knew they had waited too long, they also knew it was better to be cautious. She was a paladin of Voltron, an incredibly intelligent one on top of that, and her knowledge could be the advantage Zarkon and the Galra Empire needed. They could've learned all about her team's weaknesses from her or force her into updating their technology to give them the upper hand in fighting them.

Like she'd ever do any of that, though, not even with her mouth pried open for her. She knew better than anyone else that she'd be subjected to torture as long as she refused to cooperate.

The methods were simple at first after she was stripped of her paladin armor and dressed in a prisoner's uniform. Doses of high-voltage electricity, burning skin, getting beaten up while she was tied up and defenseless - nothing worked. To top it off, she always had some sort of witty remark while sporting a shit-eating grin that ticked off her torturers to no end. They didn't last less than a week with her when they decided they needed to get _creative_.

Holding her in a tank of water to the point of nearly drowning.

Branding her skin with red-hot iron as her screams echoed throughout the prison.

Drugging her so much she couldn't tell hallucinations from reality.

Cutting her open and leaving her so she'd know what it's like to truly feel death approaching and then patching her up once she's scared herself into unconsciousness.

Subjecting her to diseases the Galra have grown strong against but her human body wasn't used to until she was given an antidote while in tears.

Pitting her against god knows how many other prisoners who were bribed with freedom if they could break her into talking whatever means necessary.

_And still nothing worked._ No matter what, she never uttered a single confession.

By the end of that month of her imprisonment, she was reduced to a pale, paranoid girl who was always shaking with wide eyes. She was always locked up with her wrists and ankles chained, but after her mind was sacrificed to snap in place of her unwavering loyalty, the guards had to put her in a strait jacket and place her in her own cell so she wouldn't do anything to harm herself before they could. The sassy brainiac her teammates knew may as well have been considered already dead long prior to the moment they found her that not even a healing pod could save her.

They had to place her in a similar holding position as to what she was already used to, much to their dismay, but they had to since she was too unstable. Everyone made time to visit her as much as possible in hopes of bringing some piece of her familiar self back to the surface. They didn't care that she'd never be the same - they all accepted that - all they wanted was for her to come back to them.

They wanted to watch her fingers dance across the keyboard of her laptop, and her eyes light up every time she's introduced to a new piece of technology, and her lips crack into a smirk just as she's about to burn somebody with her words alone... but nobody wanted all of this as much as Lance did.

He visited her the most out of everyone until she grew used to his presence again. Only he was allowed to get close to her, to scold her if she did something out of hand, to touch her, pet her when she needed comfort. She only accepted food and drinks if he was the one giving it to her. She wasn't as timid as she had become as long as he was around.

When the time came where she didn't prove to be a threat to herself anymore, she got rid of her strait jacket in preference of Lance's hoodie, which he happily let her keep. It became a safety blanket for her, and if neither she nor Lance had it, she'd start to have a panic attack.

"Are you having a hard time reading that, Pidge?" he asked her one day. She nodded silently without looking up from her book. "Do you want to wear your glasses?" Again, she nodded, so he picked up her glasses from the table and unfolded them.

They were in the dining room having a snack. Pidge had brought one of her books with her, written in the Altean language she's come to master; despite her demeanor completely altered, that didn't take away her intelligence and desire to learn. Before her capture, she'd tutored him until he knew some words and phrases. He's tried to read to her Altean children's stories, since they were easier to read, when she was still in the strait jacket.

"Can I put them on you?"

Rather than consenting, she shook her head and looked up at him. "I'll... I will... p-put them... on by m-my-... myself..." With the torture having revolved around making her talk, she's had trouble with speaking freely. The things she was subjected to also put a hindrance on her eyesight, which was why she needed her glasses for real instead of wearing them just for show. She took her glasses and slowly put them on.

It was just the two of them because the others were going on a small mission that wouldn't require the whole team. It wasn't like they could all go anyways, what with Pidge's state. They shared a small bowl of space goo and read together, taking in the comfortable silence. It made Lance think for a moment that nothing was wrong. Everything seemed okay for once.

That was, until Pidge stood out of her seat and started tearing pages out of her book, gritting her teeth and groaning in frustration. Lance was quick to hug her from behind and lock her arms together in the process. Her body squirmed against him.

"Talk to me, Pidge," he told her, as calmly as possible. He could make out her breathing picking up. "You can tell me anything, remember?"

" _No!_ I... won't t-talk!" she cried out. She pushed back against his chest, forcing his back to hit the wall hard. "Y-You... ca-can't make... can't make me!"

_Must be another attack_ , he figured. _Something in the book she read must've triggered it._

She kept on screaming to be let go. She tried kicking and wriggling her arms free, but his hold on her was too tight that it was like being in the strait jacket again. The longer she was stuck in that spot, the less she struggled.

"... _Kill me_..." His eyes widened, his nose buried in her hair that's grown longer lately. Her body was finally still in spite of her heavy breathing. "I-I won't... talk... Just k-k-kill me..." On the bridge of her nose, her glasses slipped down until they fell to the floor in a loud clatter. "Nev-ver win... Voltron'll... beat a-all of... you..."

Carefully he brought her to sit on the floor, them now surrounded by ripped up pages. From where he sat he could make out words like "confession" and "devastate", and he wondered what kind of book she was reading in the first place. He could feel her starting to cry without making a sound, something she must've gotten used to doing while imprisoned.

"You don't need to be scared anymore, Pidge." A hand ran through her hair, calming her down further. He rocked her slowly. "Team Voltron took you back, so you won't go through any of that anymore. We won't leave you in danger ever again."

He kissed her head and reminisced of the times where she was the one comforting him, rarely the other way around. He thought about her confident smile and bold attitude, of the sassy little things she'd say and her cute laugh. He looked back on when she'd go on about things he couldn't understand but tried to, so much enthusiasm when she'd speak, her love for knowledge never dying.

She was the brightest mind he's ever known, that the universe will ever know, and the Galra stole her and broke her to the point that mind was in shambles with little to no chance of recovery.

During team meetings while she'd rest, Lance and the others have discussed what would happen to her. She was a paladin of Voltron and their smartest team member. Even if she were to regain bits and pieces of her old self after years of therapy from now, the things she experienced will leave her damaged permanently. There was the possibility they might have to find someone who can take her place in piloting the Green Lion.

Looking down, he found her having exhausted herself to sleep in his arms, completely lax and soaking up his warmth. He let out a sigh. This wasn't the girl he first fell in love with, but she was still Pidge Gunderson, still Katie Holt, just not entirely there. He'll do whatever it takes to help her until she'll at least smile without feeling any uneasiness.

_Everything will be okay, Katie._ He peppered her face in light kisses, shining a languished smile at her subconscious contented hum. _You're gonna power through this like you always do._ He wished he didn't acknowledge that he wasn't even sure if what he thought was the truth or not.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: I'm going to hell for this one.
> 
> ALSO  
> There may or may not be a chance I might consider making an actual multi-chaptered story out of this, depending on the reception for this.


End file.
